Monthly Archives: March 2010

Here’s one crime that will be tough to crack

If you’re trying to ingratiate yourself to a judge, you might consider leaving the produce at home.

Agim Demiri, 40, of Naperville was charged today with one count of direct criminal contempt for allegedly throwing a raw egg at the DuPage County circuit judge who was presiding over his child support case in a Wheaton courtroom. According to a press release from the DuPage County Sheriff’s Office, Demiri was immediately taken into custody and will remain in the DuPage County Jail for seven days.

The Sheriff’s Office said the incident is still under investigation and that additional charges may be filed.

I’d like to know how Demiri smuggled the egg into the courtroom. Will the metal detectors there have to be recalibrated to start monitoring for breakfast items that could be used as weapons?

Did Demiri have the egg wrapped in Bubble Wrap or something like that to keep it from breaking? And since he apparently had the egg with him when he came in, was this a premeditated act? Will the state have to come up with some new category of criminal charge, such as assault with a deadly omelette?

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Why aren’t patriots demanding a halt to military spending?

If I were a savvy investor, I would already have sunk a ton of money into those tri-cornered hats that have become all the rage among patriots these days. You know, the hats worn by Americans in colonial times. They really do go with anything!

While we’re at it, let’s not forget the “Don’t tread on me” T-shirts popping up everywhere. Now that America is under siege from socialists, as demonstrated by the government takeover of health care, these items will be flying off the shelves. And had I diverted my financial resources into this kind of merchandise, I would have been swimming in cash.

But once again, I’m a day late and a dime short — with only myself to blame.

Many people involved in the Tea Party movement, along with their like-minded comrades (whoops, wrong choice of words), have become very animated about the health care reform legislation signed into law this week. I had no idea there were so many legal scholars among us! Everyone on TV waving a U.S. flag or a handgun — or both, in some cases — screaming about how we should take our country back is undoubtedly a noted authority on the intracacies of constitutional law.

If you don’t believe me, just ask them — they’ll tell you. Down to the last subparagraph, they know what’s in the Constitution and how it should be interpretted.

And one thing that is explicitly forbidden by the Constitution is socialized medicine. It’s right there in black and white. … Well, somewhere. It must be in there, if all these patriots are telling me it is.

But seeing that we’ve been overrun by constitutional scholars, I don’t understand why they’re not up in arms (figuratively speaking, of course, unless it becomes literal) over all the other unconstitutional things that Congress has done. Take, for example, the perpetual funding of a government-run army.

In listing what Congress may do with taxes, duties, imposts and excises, the 12th clause of Article 1, Section 8 of the Constitution states: “To raise and support armies, but no appropriation of money to that use shall be for a longer term than two years.”

Wow, that’s very revealing! From the way the Constitution reads, keeping an army around for longer than two years is, well, unconstitutional. Who knew?

Certainly not the patriots who are working to save us from the nightmares of marxism. For if they did know this, they would already have marched on Washington demanding an immediate end to socialized defense.

An argument can be made that Congress appropriates money to everything it funds on an annual basis, unless otherwise stipulated. So appropriations made to any branch of the military is done every year, thus falling within the two-year limit imposed by the Constitution.

Does this logic pass constitutional muster? Perhaps not.

When the country was founded, national defense forces were normally raised as they were needed. The Continental Army was put together for the purpose of fighting the Revolutionary War, and then it was disbanded once the war ended.

In adddition, the Constitution differentiates between congressional authority to “raise and support armies” and “provide and maintain a navy.” Since the greatest threats came from sea-based forces, having a permanent navy was essential. Not so a permanent army.

So, as I read the Constitution, Congress is permitted to raise an army and fund it for no more than two years — and then the army is to be disbanded. This conflicts with the practice of enlisting or commissioning military personnel for many years. How can someone sign up for four to six years if the Constitution demands the army be funded for no more than two years at a stretch?

Where are our Tea Party constitutionalist patriots when we need them? The government has been subverting the supreme law of the land for many years, and it’s high time this practice be stopped.

Has anybody seen my pitchfork?

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